How to Stop Being a DoorMat

Or How to Stop People Doing You Wrong

When you’re wounded on the inside, the mental pain can make you angry. Forgiving the person may seem like a gift for them. But you don’t forgive to make the one who did you wrong feel better. You forgive for your own benefit. Forgiving is a loving gift for you. The Law of Attractions states that you attract what you think about most often, therefor loving thoughts attract more of the same.

When I was a Door Mat, I believed that if I let people get away with doing me wrong, I was forgiving them. But I wasn’t - I was cutting them slack but it made them feel better, not me. I always felt anger churning, which made me feel bad about myself. Now that I consciously forgive people, my anger level is way down. I still don’t like some peoples behavior but I’ve become wiser and feel more positive now.

Isabelle Holland said, “If you don’t forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind.”

Holding onto bad feelings fuels aggravation. Forgiving lightens anger. If you don’t forgive, you give others power to ruin your day (or life). You keep them in your mind and relive whatever they did when you think of them. Thinking about them attracts more aggravation, or more incidents with the person you didn’t forgive.

Forgiveness is required when excusing or condoning or tolerating or accepting is not big enough to do the job. The first stage of forgiveness is the decision not to try to inflict a reciprocal amount of pain on the person or persons who have caused us pain or difficulty. When you forgive someone, you give up the right to hurt them back. You suspend the law of vengeance. You voluntarily give up the right of retaliation.

Forgiveness begins the very moment you give up the quest to get even. This, of course, isn’t an easy thing to do, but for your own peace of mind it is the best thing do. Unresolved issues creates emotional baggage - the negative feelings you carry around with you. Forgiving unpacks the baggage and puts it away.

Forgiving someone who did something you consider really bad is a powerful and brave act. It’s easy for me to recommend doing it but it’s very hard to do when emotions make you want to hurt the person back. It means stepping beyond what they did in order to understand that this person is probably unhappy, wounded or has problems from past experiences that makes him or her do things that aren’t nice. I learned from the Dalai Lama that when people hurt you, they’re really hurting themselves. People do negative things when they’re unhappy or hurting so you should have compassion fort them, not anger.

Now I can often replace my anger with compassion. Doing this has GREATLY reduced how often I get angry, and made it easier to forgive.

Do you associate forgiving with forgetting? Forgiving does not condone the action or behavior you forgive. You forgive the person’s distorted view of right and wrong or the pain that drove them to hurt you. You’re forgiving the PERSON for their shortcomings, the issue behind what they did to you, not the negative action or behavior itself. Compassion for why they do negative things makes it a little easier.

Separate the person from the action. “I forgive you but what you did was wrong.” Forgive, take responsibility, and respond differently in the future, or stay away from the person if you can. People who feel good about themselves and who are happy don’t consciously hurt people. It’s the people with issues who do.

There are many levels of forgiveness, depending on what the person did:

* If something unacceptable happens once, forgive the person and let it go if he or she acknowledges what was done and apologizes.

* If the behavior is repeated, warn the person that it’s unacceptable, which means that things will have to be different in the future. You can read about the 5 Golden Keys to Assertiveness and Setting Boundaries including the ASSA guidelines on a separate page. (link in the sidebar)

* If unacceptable behavior is ongoing, forgive but remember to cut your ties or set stronger boundaries.

* If the behavior continues, cut the person out of your life and forgive from a distance. You can forgive in your heart and never speak again to someone who hurts you. The person doesn’t have to know you forgave. Sometimes there’s a lot to forgive and it can take time to really feel forgiving when you do it in your heart. In the past, anger churned in me for months after. But once I forgive in my heart, I let it go.

How do you forgive someone in your heart? I like to write a letter to the person telling them exactly how I feel about what they did. All the pain and anger. I write and write until I can’t think of another thing to say. Then I read it out loud as if the person were there. I express all my emotions, cry, sometimes yell. Then I say they must be hurting to do this and I forgive them for their hurtful actions. Then I burn the letter. As it goes up in smoke, so does my anger. Without the anger I can let it go.

When you forgive someone in your heart, light a candle and feel its warmth. Give thanks for the blessing of being able to forgive yourself and others. Being able to forgive has added to my happiness immeasurably. Even if people aren’t fair, forgive them – for your sake, not theirs! You should also forgive yourself for feeling anger and resentment

The Law Of Attraction:

Scientists tell us that the Universe is in a constant state of flux and re-alignment. Our body and the Universe can be likened to a radio transmitter and receiver. Our thoughts are like broadcast signals and every day, as we live our lives, the Universe receives our transmissions/ frequencies/ vibrations, and the law of attraction ensures that what we think about is reflected back to us. We want these reflections from the Universe to be all positive. 

* Uncover the ultimate E-course on the Law of Attraction!

http://www.lawofattractionpro.com/ 

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